I'm Feeling "Magenta"

"Magenta, that's what I call it... All kinds of feelings tumbling all over themselves. You know, you're not quite blue because you're not really sad. And, although you're a little bit jealous, you wouldn't say that you are green with envy. Every now and again you realize that you're kinda scared, but you'd hardly call yourself yella (yellow). I hate that feeling. I just hate it! And, I hate Magenta, that's why I named the feeling magenta."  Blanche, Golden Girls

 I have not put together words to thank everyone for being extraordinary in the weeks and days that led up to and extended beyond my Mother's passing.  I have not sent cards or written a tribute to her.  I cannot.  Not yet.  I'm not sure why I can't. I just can't.  For lack of a better term, I am feeling Magenta. 

To say life has been hectic would be the definition of an understatement.   I accepted a new insurance role. Two weeks into that role, I found out that Mom had little time left and hospice services were needed at home.  Mom passed away shortly after.   My team was kind and understanding, but it was a tough start.  Oh Magenta. 

The day Mom passed, Alex, Tabathia, and Ruby were moving to their own place.  Their first night in the new place was the day we buried Mom.  I wanted Mom to heal and be healthy.  At the same time, she openly talked about Jesus, even in her last days.  Mom was ready for Heaven.   I'm thankful she's not suffering anymore, but I didn't want her to leave.  I'm glad the kids have their own place, but I miss them, too.  Admittedly, I'm a little scared for them as well.  Ugh, Magenta. 

 I went back to work quickly after Mom's passing.  The weekend after mom moved to Heaven and the kids moved to a new place, I moved to a condo.  It was time for a new season.  New seasons are usually exciting, but I still feel Magenta.  The week after I moved, I went on a road trip with the kids.  Usually, it was a fantastic way to destress, but we faced many obstacles.  First off, it was rainy when we left.  How bad could it be, though?  Our first stop was NYC.  I was excited to see Alex's reaction; it was his first time in the city.  The reality of Times Square overwhelmed him.  He wasn't quite prepared to see a deceased homeless man lying on the street as people walked by or many of the other things we saw.  We pressed on to Princeton and then to Philly.  Both spots were good visits, and we were able to visit with a few of our favorite people.  The experience as a whole left me still Magenta. 

    

 We headed home.  As we got into Virginia, the rain was beating down once again.  Wrecks were everywhere, it seemed.   Fog and rain made visibility nearly impossible.  We turned the radio on and heard about Hurricane Helene, which hit inland.  Oh...  So that's why.  As we neared Damascus, I pulled into a gas station.   I chatted with the attendant, who urged me to drive safely. I  mentioned I would probably go on into Damascus and stay in an overnight rental to avoid driving through more weather.  The attendant advised Damascus was destroyed by the storm, and nothing would be open there. We continued on.  We made it back safely.  While I'm super thankful that we arrived safely, I'm mortified and troubled at the devastation that hit Virginia, North Carolina, and Tennessee.  A would-be relaxing trip left me even more Magenta. 

 I get back to work as the peak busy season begins. I  knew the busy season required long hours.  Business is going great. However, I do miss having free time.  I  especially miss evening walks in the park. Fall is my favorite season!  It is dark when I finish work, so I miss the park. Never realized how much I enjoyed it.  I'm happy and thankful that business is great.  It's just Magenta, which is still how I feel. 

 When people ask me to pray for them, I feel honored.   There is no greater trust than to count on someone to pray for you.  It gets me out of my own head and gets my thoughts on God and on my people. I'm always ready to pray.  At the same time,  knowing what other people are going through leaves me with Magenta all over me.  My mentor and friend asked me to pray for her because one of her best friends of many years had passed.  Another friend and phenomenal leader has a spouse with cancer who has gotten troubling news more than once. One of my best friends had a tumor removed from her pituitary on Monday; the pituitary is inside the skull between two arteries. She is doing quite well.   There's more:  I've been praying about My sister and the big hills she has to climb, my brother went through a career challenge, Alex started real estate school, Dad is having a hard time without my mom, and it goes on. While I'm thankful for many people who pray in my life, I hate that they have to face what they face. At the same time, I'm grateful they are still fighting and still with us.    It is a whole lot of Magenta for me. 

 My mom died on August 31, 2024.  Today is November 20,2024.  So, all of this and much more happened in less than three months.   I'm super happy for all my friends who seem to have their lives put together and tied with a neat little bow, but I guess at times, I'm a little jealous because, in these moments, I feel like I am a mess.   There's so much that I am happy about and thankful for.  Then there are times when I'm a little blue, and grief rears its head. No wonder I'm feeling so very Magenta.  

     I'm confident that God will move, and this season will pass.   I really am okay; I'm just Magenta.

                                    Photo Credit
  

The Master's Plan

Master’s Degree = √

Finally, I completed my master’s degree.  It was my first-time walking across the stage to confer a degree.  I graduated High School early and wasn’t allowed to walk. When I completed my Bachelor of Science degree in 2020, COVID halted my plans. 

When I lined up, the faculty ensured our gowns were just right, placing the appropriate honors hood and items on each graduating student. 

We walked processional into the ceremony.    As I sat there watching each person receive their degree, I couldn’t stop thinking about God, specifically Heaven. 

I pictured walking to the Judgement Seat of Christ and Jesus giving me a robe and a crown.  I could feel the excitement of Jesus being proud of my work. I nearly cried while having the vision of Heaven, and I am not a crying person. My failures and sins don’t matter in the end. They are forgiven and covered by the blood of Jesus. What matters is perseverance and running the race according to the Master’s Plan. 

Many times, especially lately, I want to give up on ministry.  God hasn’t revealed his entire plan; I still have a full-time job outside of ministry and wasn’t sure I could make a difference. 

Visualizing the robe and crown from Jesus reminded me of why ministry matters.  It is never me, but Jesus, that makes a difference.  I changed my prayer from “Help me to fulfill my purpose.” to “Help me to fulfill your purpose for me.” 

God help me to walk according to the master’s plan. 

CALL IF YOU NEED ANYTHING!

 How often have you been told, received a message, or read a post saying, “Call if you need anything?”  

Is that like saying bless your heart? Is it just something we say? 

During Snowpocalypse 2024 in Knoxville, Tennessee, I saw a post offering rides to people stuck in the snow. BPPA (Business Professional Prayer Association) founder Buck Flemming (Inspector Buck from Integrity Inspections) made the post.  

Shortly after seeing the post, I received a call from an acquaintance. Before hanging up, I said, “Are you warm? Do you have everything you need?”  The caller said, “I’m fine, except I don’t have any food.”  

We hung up, and I remembered Buck’s post. I called Buck. He first said, “Where are you stuck at?”. I laughed. “I’m at home. It isn’t for me,” I explained. Without hesitation, Buck said, “Okay, I will do it.” I called my acquaintance, who was extraordinarily thankful but also concerned. 

They explained, “My driveway and subdivision are unsafe. I’m not sure Buck can make it.” I passed the information on to Buck, but he decided to risk it. 

It was frustrating for me because I couldn’t physically help them. I started praying for Buck’s safety and asked others to pray. 

With a minor mishap, Buck safely delivered groceries and returned to his family. 

The person Buck helped is not a Christian but referred to Buck as an angel. Maybe God is doing something there… 

My point in sharing this story is: 

• When someone helps, thank them. (Thank you, Buck!) 
• Everyone is always complaining about “The Church” not doing enough. Christians are “The Church” and the hands and feet of Jesus. What are you doing? 
• Sometimes, all you can do is pray; that is enough. 
• There are other times when you must ask for help, which is okay. 
• When you can do good, do it. 

One less person is hungry in Snowpocalypse ’24 because someone meant it when they said, “Call if you need anything!" 

Forty-Something-Ish , Who Cares?

 I last had Facebook on my phone a couple of months ago. It was hacked, which super annoyed me, and I deleted it. 

 Who cares, right? Turns out, some of you do. Several people called or texted asking if I was "okay'.   

Today is my birthday. I'm forty-something-ish. I wasn't near my laptop to show appreciation for the birthday posts. Normally, I try to stay on top of the "thank you' s," because I genuinely appreciate the sentiment.   I received concerned texts asking, "Where are you?"

Say all the negative things you want about social media; however, there are positives. 

Like you, for example. There are plenty of people I engage with on social media that I rarely can engage with in day-to-day life.  It is a great way to stay in touch.

The Apostle Paul wrote letters to his people so why shouldn't we?  Paul from the Bible would have loved social media. (At least I think so.)  I'd like to hear what Luke the Physician would post on a few hot topics! 

Sure, it is impossible to say the right thing. You will get made fun of if you gain weight, lose weight, wear too much make-up, don't wear enough make-up, spell something wrong, use poor grammar, are too proper, etc.   People will tell lies about you and other people will believe them. To those I say, have at it! 

 If you do care, I am "Okay".   Thanks for caring.  I care about you, too!  I'm praying for you and I'm cheering for you.  I seriously want you to win at life.  

Honestly, I am better than okay. Jesus loves me!  He loves you, too, btw.  My only son welcomed his daughter this year in March. Her name is Ruby. She's perfect, of course. I have family, friends, and people who care that I exist in person and online. (I even added my Facebook back to my phone)

I am healthy, besides gaining the hormonal weight that comes with being forty-something-ish,.  I'm working, and I have a pretty cool ministry idea. More about that later. The most drama I tolerate these days is the underwire in my bra fighting with my flesh.  I know the Bible talks about having a thorn in the side, but I didn't think mine would be so literal.  😆

Life is nothing like I imagined. I'm not where I thought I would be at this stage of life, and some days are hard. My Mom has some health problems.  We lost my brother last year, and so on and on. Any of you who are forty-something-ish know what I mean because we have all faced battles and jumped hurdles.  

Life beats up on us all and nobody has an Insta-perfect life.  Well, maybe you do, but I for sure do not. I put Alex, Tabathia, and Ruby in my photo for the post because at forty-something-ish it is the selfies of others that you care the most about.  Also, I used a terrible picture of myself, I pretty much hate that photo.   It seemed fitting, I am forty-something-ish...

God moves in chaos and my life has plenty of it. There is joy in the chaos.  I pray to focus more on living my moments and being thankful for every single second. 

I'm forty-something-ish, and I am happy, thankful, and blessed, but who cares?  😊

Problem Solved?

I was trying to solve a family problem early this morning.    I hadn't had my coffee or my talk with Jesus, but I was still trying.   It seemed futile and utterly impossible to come up with an effective solution. 

Anything that is broken can be fixed with enough effort, right?  

Math doesn't change...

1+1 = 2, 2+2=4, E=MC²  

The formula doesn't change, but we do not always understand. The truth is there are some problems that we cannot solve no matter how hard we try. 

Problems + Effort ≠ Solutions

God reminded me that it doesn't matter how hard I work, or how hard you work. There are some problems that only He can solve. There are other problems that someone else will need to solve.  There are some mountain-sized problems that do not have a solution. God will have to move the mountain. 

Just the other day I was praying about a mountain-sized problem.  God sent the solution in the most unexpected way.    The help, the answer was there all along and I didn't realize it because I was trying to solve it my way. 

• I must do what I can do for my problems.
• I must accept that many problems are beyond my control. 
• I must be there for people without trying to fix them or their situation. 
• I must focus on Jesus and my calling. 
• I must remember that when I focus on Jesus, He will handle the problems.
• I must surrender knowing that it is Jesus, not I who is in control.

Be encouraged.  Focus on whatever it is that God calls you to, and he will handle your problems. 

 

Problems + Jesus = Peace 

Truth is... I'm sorry

 Your truth. My truth. They/Them/Their truth. Is truth subjective?  What is truth? 

Truth: 

A person somewhere at some time hurt you.  A person claiming to be a Christian disappointed you. The church failed.  It was not a little mistake, and it was not one mistake.   I'm sorry. 

Truth:

 Christians and religious people have been messing up since the beginning of time.  I'm sorry.

Truth:

The founders of the United States did great things, but they were also called "men of the night."  That means exactly what you think it does.   Our country, a land built on the premise of religious freedom, was built by men who were less than wholesome.   I'm sorry. 

Truth:

During the Great Awakening, evangelical ministers opposed slavery, but by the early decades of the 19th century, they got it twisted.  Leaders convinced slave owners that converting their slaves would make them more obedient.   They should have taken a stand for freedom in Christ, and instead, they enabled slave owners. I'm sorry. 

Truth:

The Civil Rights Movement was a time for the love of Christ to reign through darkness. Instead, some denominational leaders taught that African Americans resulted from the "Curse of Ham." I'm sorry.

Truth:

Some churches seem judgemental, others fake, and a few even cultish. I'm sorry.  The purpose of organized worship is to worship Jesus as a group, not to worship other humans.   

Truth:

Jesus.  The Bible says that "..the word became flesh." (John 1:14). Jesus became the embodiment of the Bible.   Jesus brought the Bible to life.  Jesus is truth.  Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth, and the life." (John 14:6)  The Bible is the truth.  I'm sorry if someone who was supposed to show you the love of Christ failed. 

Truth:

People hurt each other, and it is hard to tell the truth from a lie.  I'm sorry.

 When you search for your bearing, your truth, remember - Jesus is the truth.  The Bible is the truth. Anything that contradicts the Word of God is untruth.  God does not lie. 

An Adventure for Carlena

 Carlena was a busy woman.  She owned a small business, and she ran it well. She kept her house in perfect order. She did all the things that she thought were expected of her. The problem is that she was tired of being predictable, dependable, and stuck in the same rut.  She wanted an adventure.  As Reba McEntyre would say, she wanted a little adventure with some security.  She prayed that God would send her an adventure.

               Carlena went to a park in the city to take a walk.   The world’s fair was there in 1982.  There is a giant ball, the Sunsphere, which stands tall in the sky. You can take an elevator to the top and look over the town.  It is surrounded by walkways and water features.  The city is filled with the kind of noisy peace that is exactly what Carlena needed.  It was easy for Carlena to be alone with God when she was seemingly lost in the crowd.

               She parked her car in the public lot.  The smell of food trucks filled her nose as she closed her door. She scurried across the street and started up the walkway.  Carlena could not believe her eyes. There was a brown suitcase.  It was probably at least fifty years old. It was made from wood and looked a little rough. It was sitting against a concrete wall.  She was curious about what was inside.  She thought about opening it, but that would be rude.  She thought about calling for help, but it was not any of her business. She shrugged it off and moved on.

               Carlena was headed for the water fountain.  It is beautiful.  Carlena wanted to sit there, but there were people there filming something.   She wasn’t sure what was going on, but it seemed like a big deal.  The cameraman smiled at her.  The crew seemed open and receptive.  Carlena was curious. She thought about asking what was going on.   The director looked at her and said, “Hi!” Carlena nodded, put her head down, and went on about her way. She didn’t want to make them think she was trying to be nosy.

 

               Carlena decided the amphitheater would be a better option. She got there and took a seat on the stage looking out at the water.  A gentleman walked up behind her and said, “Nice view! I might have to join you.”  She smiled and said, “I was leaving.  It is all yours!”  As she walked away, she thought, “That guy looked like Bon Jovi!  I’m sure he hears that all the time.”

 

               Click click was the sound her car made as she walked up.  She cranked up the air and sat inside. She cried out to God in a loud voice, “Do you ever listen to me?!  I asked you for an adventure. I knew I couldn’t have one and I was going to settle for some time alone with you.  Did I even get that, no?  I came to this park and every step of the way, I got interru...- “
God interrupted her audibly.

 

               “STOP! My stubborn little girl.  I love you.  I sent you three adventures and you ignored them all.  The suitcase contained a mystery, one that you would have never forgotten, and it would have been great fun!”  The film crew was filming a commercial for a new restaurant that Bon Jovi is opening in your city.  One of the actors didn’t show up. They needed someone to be an extra.  You would have been paid, gotten free concerts tickets, a VIP invitation for the restaurant opening, and an experience of a lifetime.   You guessed it, that man on the stage, that was Bon Jovi.   He did come over to sit and enjoy the view.  He also needed someone to manage the events at his restaurant. If you had sat there, you could have talked.  You would have been offered that job.”

 

               “My daughter, adventure is everywhere just as I am everywhere.  Keep your eyes open.  You miss a lot because you are afraid, or you are sticking to a schedule.  I do not fit inside a box.  Follow me, listen to and for me.  I will guide you.   Life with me is always an adventure.  I’m your father and I love you.”