I blew it...

I overheard a conversation between my son and his friend.   My immediate reaction, “Son!”  He laughs out loud and replies, “Pfffff, don’t son me, I know you….” He goes on to explain.

The moment was like a scene from Inside Out!  I’m watching myself on a screen and the scene changes to inside my brain.  There are hundreds of busy little ants that make-up my brain.  The chaos of my thoughts is divided into zones.  The ants in the Mom zone are activated. They examine the endless supply of words I spew out daily and still find none that apply.   Then a red alert goes off!  It is super loud, and finally, in true cartoon style, a ton of bricks falls and bashes the Mom zone ants.

He is right.  I’ll explain at the end but first...

Our back-story:

I’ve always taught (with words) my son Biblical principles, I’ve always told him what I believe is right according to the Bible.  I’ve always taken him to church.  My standards for him are based on these things.

He is doing great lately.  He is the best he’s been since his preschool days.  If you know anything about my journey with this boy, you know that is a big deal.  I’m thankful for it.  He didn’t create the problem in this story, I did.  It was me who blew it.

In my defense. I did some things right. 

Positive Actions = Positive Results:   He loves theme parks, the fair, skating, basketball, football,  friends, and he’s even developing a love of forestry/wildlife.   Plus, church. He loves to go to church! This makes me happy!  I invested a lot of time doing these activities with him.  In his early life, these were written into his brain as “happy places”.  

Now, here’s the hard part, His dad and I got divorced when he was seven.  It was necessary, and it was the best thing for him.   My attitude about men, “I’m busy, don’t need you, don’t have time for you”. I never said anything derogatory about men, but I wasn’t interested in an emotional attachment.  There were maybe a couple of people I almost got close to. I like to think of what happened as an implosion.  (You know how when a building needs to be gone, builders don’t want to cause an explosion, so they make it implode.  It removes the building without creating a big ole’ mess.  Same result – less drama)   

I told my son that I wasn’t interested in a relationship because I was protecting him.  I told him that I hated when women brought man after man around their children.   I told him that I wasn’t going to have him attached to anyone unless I planned to marry them.  (See, that’s a good Mama…  I had words!)

THE REST OF THE STORY:

Negative Actions = Negative Results

The Conversation:

Son: “Girls all the time want a title, man”.  
His friend, “They be doing that, ‘What are we?...’”. 
Son, “You know what I tell ‘em?!”  
His friend, “What?”  
Son, “FWB! (friends with benefits)  Who needs a relationship?!  I ain’t got time for that.”   
This is where I chime in, “SON!”

And he says, ““Pfffff, don’t son me, I know you!  How many dudes have you friend-zoned? You do it every single time.  Who you kidding?”   
 Me, “Whatever, smh”

That is when the bricks fell on my head!  He’s right.  I never said relationships aren’t worth your time. I modeled it.   I never said people are best loved at a distance. I lived it. 

With words, I taught him, “Family is God’s design.  God created life a certain way and God’s way is right.  You will be a good Godly man. You will be a good father. You will love your wife and children.”   He heard my words, but he also observed my life.

I don’t know how to fix it.   I want to say: “Son, What I meant was…. That doesn’t apply to you…. I didn’t mean….”  I know he's young and this isn't uncommon for teens.  He's not any teen. He's my teen and that's not an attitude I want him to have. 

Remember the worker ants that make up my brain?  The ones in the Mom Zone and the I Love Jesus Zone are pretty ticked off at the other zones.  I can envision them shouting at each other about how we should be a team and our actions should match our words.  

The ants in the Fear/Doubt Zone are afraid that I have implied that men aren’t needed or important.  I sure hope that’s not what he has heard from my life.

I really blew it…..  

I’ll pray through it and trust God to shape him into the man He created him to be.  I’ll also be praying to God to help me use the lessons being his mom is teaching me. 

There’s so much I would change if I could.  Parenting is tough. You only get one shot. 

I know this much; every time I follow the Bible it produces a positive result.