Will You Love?

               I was asked, “If your son … would you still love him?”  Without hesitation, I uttered “Yes, of course, I will love him.  I will love him and pray for him as long as he has breath. God gave him to me, and it is my job to love him unconditionally.”   It was a tough conversation. The truth is if my son did the thing in question, I would be disappointed in him and immensely brokenhearted.  There is no question my love would remain, but he wouldn’t have my favor and gifts the way he does now.

   

                A short time later another conversation prompted a similar question about a close friend. “If she says… what will you do?”  I wasn’t sure. I’m still not sure.  I uttered, “I would never be mean to her.” I would hate it if she did the thing in question, but I love her.  My love wouldn’t end.

               

               Someone should probably ask me the same question about my church.  “If they do something you hate, will you still love them? If leadership messes up will you still go?”  I’ve been bothered by decisions in my church. I haven’t wanted to go. I haven’t been consistently in months.  I asked God to send me somewhere else, but He hasn’t. This morning, I pulled myself up and went to my church because I needed to go.  I can’t explain how I need the church, but I do. The sermon today was about commitment and attending church.  God always has a sense of humor with me. 

                When faced with the question of would I still love my son, Absolutely!  To the question of would, I still love my friend, for sure!  Would I still love my church?  I should, do I?  How loyal am I expected to be? Let’s be real, I live in East Tennessee - I have options.  There are a plethora of churches on every corner.

                I heard a speaker talk about embracing hate. As a Christian, that raised my temper, as my indignation said, “Now wait a minute…”  I don’t agree with everything she said, but she made some valid points.  One is that you hate because you love.   I would hate it if my son made the choice in question because I love him and want what’s best for him.  

                Hate that is fueled from a place of love isn’t bad as long as it is directed at action(s) and not a person. 

                You can hate sin and love the sinner.  You can hate abortion and love the abortionist. (That one is hard for me.)  You can hate homosexuality and love the homosexual.  You can hate the mistakes a loved one will make or has made but still love them.  

                It doesn’t matter what you have done, are doing, or are considering doing.   God still loves you.  I raised my son expecting him to choose Christianity. Anything less will break my heart.  God created us with the expectation that we would worship Him.  Anything less than His will breaks His heart but it doesn't change God's love for us. God would say, "Absolutely!  I love my church, my people, and all of my creation unconditionally.”  

              God hates sin because He wants the best for us. God’s ways are best.  God doesn’t force us to love him back.  He is there with His arms wide open waiting on us to accept Him.  He is waiting for us to give ourselves to a relationship with Him through Jesus.   

             The question today is, “Will you still love?”.    We all have options.  It is much easier to say, “kick rocks” than it is to love someone when they choose something we hate.  That doesn’t mean God wants us to be endangered, abused, or suffering. The vital thing is trusting God first and allowing Him to show you when to love people up close and when to love them from a distance.   The same is true for the church.  Should we go or stay?  That needs to be led by the Holy Spirit.  God is love. It is His love that should lead and not our emotions.

             Love is not an emotion.  Love is more. “4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 1 Cor 13:4-7, NIV

Love is so powerful that it stimulates the part of the brain that triggers physical movement. Love is healing. That is why newborns need to be cuddled, sick folks need visits, and nobody needs to walk through life alone.

             There’s a song by 10^th Avenue North that says, “You are more than the choices that you've made, You are more than the sum of your past mistakes, You are more than the problems you create, You've been remade.”  When it comes to loving, you also must remember to love yourself.   

Will you love?

               

Sunshine in the rain.

I’m happy. I accept that where I am is where I am supposed to be.  The road was treacherous. I didn’t think I’d ever get here.  Finally, I am here, the place I call happy.  

                If you’ve read previous blogs, you know the last few years have been anything but ideal.  It seemed like every area of my life crashed down around me. I call it my season of “Job”.

Job, the most miserable book of the Bible, is what lead me to happy.  Job’s life took a downward spiral at the hands of Satan.   Satan believed the only reason people love God is because of God’s gifts.  God told Satan to consider Job.  God didn’t cause Job’s problems, but He removed His favor from Job. God told Satan he could do whatever (except for taking Job’s life) he wanted but Job would still love him.  Poor Job.  He lost his family, his wealth, his health, and even his friends.  Job didn’t curse God. Still, he didn’t embrace his tragedies.  Who could?  He was broken by his heartaches.   Who wouldn’t be? Aren’t we all broken in some way?   In the end, Job realizes,  God is greater, and God is faithful.   His ways are not our ways and whatever happens, God is still God.  In the face of pain beyond comprehension, God is still God.

God restores.  God restored Job to better than ever.  Jesus came so that we could have life and have it more abundantly.  In our good days and our bad, God is God.   In our seasons of prosperity, God is God.  In our seasons of joy, God is God.  In our seasons of Job, God is God.  He is our Father and he will restore perfect peace to our soul.

Job, the book in the Bible, is spelled exactly like J-O-B, meaning work.   Think about that.  Job had to fully rely on God because he lost all control, his good behavior didn’t matter and, he lost all that his hands worked for.  Once Job accepted that he was fully reliant on God, things began to change.  In the worst season of Job’s life, the worst season of any human’s life, Job had to put others first.  God told Job to pray for his friends.  Job did, and then God blessed the work of Job's hands.

My life still has struggles, I’m not where I thought I would be, but God is restoring. My battles aren’t over, there are obstacles and heartache ahead. This isn’t a fairy tale and happily-ever-after doesn’t happen until Heaven.   Regardless, my soul has peace and my heart is happy.  I am where I am supposed to be.  I am praying for my friends. (No matter how hard it is or has been: bitterness, jealousy, hate, envy, and other hard feelings destroy joy.  We have to let that mess go.)  God will bless my work and my increase will come from above.  

                I know what I said may seem to contradict itself. You might ask, “How can you be in the restoration process, face obstacles, know more heartache will come and still have perfect peace in your soul and be happy?     

Peace & happiness during chaos is hard to explain.  Imagine a warm day.  It ’s the perfect temperature for you.  It is lightly raining and there is a slight wind blowing.  You look up in one corner of the sky and the sun sparkles.  I love to stand in the rain on days like that.  Sunshine in the rain is what peace and happiness during chaos are.   God speaks through chaos.

There’s a song I’ve been listening to, it’s called Even If. Here’s the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HqOkZiOb9u0

It might bless you the way it has me. 

Are you there yet?  Are you at the place where I call happy?  Are you in a place of peace for your soul and the acceptance that you are where you need to be?  Remember, you can have sunshine and rain.   "and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Phil, 4:7 NKJV

I blew it...

I overheard a conversation between my son and his friend.   My immediate reaction, “Son!”  He laughs out loud and replies, “Pfffff, don’t son me, I know you….” He goes on to explain.

The moment was like a scene from Inside Out!  I’m watching myself on a screen and the scene changes to inside my brain.  There are hundreds of busy little ants that make-up my brain.  The chaos of my thoughts is divided into zones.  The ants in the Mom zone are activated. They examine the endless supply of words I spew out daily and still find none that apply.   Then a red alert goes off!  It is super loud, and finally, in true cartoon style, a ton of bricks falls and bashes the Mom zone ants.

He is right.  I’ll explain at the end but first...

Our back-story:

I’ve always taught (with words) my son Biblical principles, I’ve always told him what I believe is right according to the Bible.  I’ve always taken him to church.  My standards for him are based on these things.

He is doing great lately.  He is the best he’s been since his preschool days.  If you know anything about my journey with this boy, you know that is a big deal.  I’m thankful for it.  He didn’t create the problem in this story, I did.  It was me who blew it.

In my defense. I did some things right. 

Positive Actions = Positive Results:   He loves theme parks, the fair, skating, basketball, football,  friends, and he’s even developing a love of forestry/wildlife.   Plus, church. He loves to go to church! This makes me happy!  I invested a lot of time doing these activities with him.  In his early life, these were written into his brain as “happy places”.  

Now, here’s the hard part, His dad and I got divorced when he was seven.  It was necessary, and it was the best thing for him.   My attitude about men, “I’m busy, don’t need you, don’t have time for you”. I never said anything derogatory about men, but I wasn’t interested in an emotional attachment.  There were maybe a couple of people I almost got close to. I like to think of what happened as an implosion.  (You know how when a building needs to be gone, builders don’t want to cause an explosion, so they make it implode.  It removes the building without creating a big ole’ mess.  Same result – less drama)   

I told my son that I wasn’t interested in a relationship because I was protecting him.  I told him that I hated when women brought man after man around their children.   I told him that I wasn’t going to have him attached to anyone unless I planned to marry them.  (See, that’s a good Mama…  I had words!)

THE REST OF THE STORY:

Negative Actions = Negative Results

The Conversation:

Son: “Girls all the time want a title, man”.  
His friend, “They be doing that, ‘What are we?...’”. 
Son, “You know what I tell ‘em?!”  
His friend, “What?”  
Son, “FWB! (friends with benefits)  Who needs a relationship?!  I ain’t got time for that.”   
This is where I chime in, “SON!”

And he says, ““Pfffff, don’t son me, I know you!  How many dudes have you friend-zoned? You do it every single time.  Who you kidding?”   
 Me, “Whatever, smh”

That is when the bricks fell on my head!  He’s right.  I never said relationships aren’t worth your time. I modeled it.   I never said people are best loved at a distance. I lived it. 

With words, I taught him, “Family is God’s design.  God created life a certain way and God’s way is right.  You will be a good Godly man. You will be a good father. You will love your wife and children.”   He heard my words, but he also observed my life.

I don’t know how to fix it.   I want to say: “Son, What I meant was…. That doesn’t apply to you…. I didn’t mean….”  I know he's young and this isn't uncommon for teens.  He's not any teen. He's my teen and that's not an attitude I want him to have. 

Remember the worker ants that make up my brain?  The ones in the Mom Zone and the I Love Jesus Zone are pretty ticked off at the other zones.  I can envision them shouting at each other about how we should be a team and our actions should match our words.  

The ants in the Fear/Doubt Zone are afraid that I have implied that men aren’t needed or important.  I sure hope that’s not what he has heard from my life.

I really blew it…..  

I’ll pray through it and trust God to shape him into the man He created him to be.  I’ll also be praying to God to help me use the lessons being his mom is teaching me. 

There’s so much I would change if I could.  Parenting is tough. You only get one shot. 

I know this much; every time I follow the Bible it produces a positive result.

NO, Seriously - I do not want to pet your furbaby!

Dog lovers, don't hate on me yet.  That goes for my dog loving friends too.  Let me explain.......

I've had a busy week.  It's the first evening I've had a moment of free time.  I go for a walk. It's beautiful outside.  I want to enjoy my moment alone and decompress. 

As usual, the park is full of animal lovers and their dogs (aka furbabies).  I would never be mean to an animal but, that doesn't mean I want to come to the park to play with yours.  I really really don't! In fact, it's a little unfair I get the look of shame when you slow down, pull your dog in my direction, and I don't start making a fuss over your precious creature.  Love 'em all you want but still -  NO, I don't want to pet your furbaby! 

It isn't only dog people that annoy me.  It's the lady who is way too eager to make a new b.f.f.

It's the dude with the broken heart who sits in his swing with tears in his eyes.  What?! Am i supposed ask?   

It's the kid who wonders over to where I sit down, says hi, smiles, and stares at me. Baby girl, where is your Mommy?  That's what I'm thinking .  What if I was weirdo?  Someone could hurt her.  Why aren't her parents noticing she's gone and sitting by a stranger? Why? 

It's  the guy who won't look up from his phone and is a bit creepy.  Dude, stop. 

It's anything, everything, and everyone. 

That's right.  I said it.  It was my "me" time so why are you in my space. I'm in a good mood; why can't you stay out of my space?

THEN..... I am reminded, Jesus always made time for the people in front of Him.  

My whole perspective flips.

What if I had acknowledged the guy & his precious furbabies? 

What if I had genuinely smiled at the lady who looked like she was in need of a friend? 

What if I had spoken to the sad dude or even smiled at him? 

Why couldn't I have been thankful it was me the kid found and not a weirdo. Why didn't I refrain from judging her parents for their lack of attentiveness?

What if I had smiled at the dude who was all in his phone? Maybe he's shy, maybe he lacks confidence and getting outside was big deal for him.  

-----

What if I had done the thing that I tell people to do, "Treat People like People"? 

It cost nothing to be kind but then I guess there are times we all feel a little spent.  

Most days, I am friendly.  Extra is the word my son uses to describe my friendly.  "MOM, you are so extra...(insert sarcastic face)"   

Other days, other days are like today and today I don't want to pet your furbaby! 

I believe the world would be better if we were all genuine, nice, and decent to everyone every single day.  

I will be more considerate of those around me.  Kindness is important.  I'm sorry, I wasn't tonight. 

If you are thinking about the chick at the park who looked utterly annoyed at your presence,  don't judge her too harshly.  Maybe she simply loves quiet walks alone.   :) 

And a side note to Michele, Laurie, Shelia, & Jaime, and all my other animal loving peeps -  Sorry, cut me some slack on this post.  For what's it's worth, Michele's boy dog is a giant mess of chaotic hyperness but he gets me.   I understand your puppy love even if I don't want to pet your furbaby.  (And no, I don't want my own) 

Can't Believe I Did That!!!!!

I CAN'T BELIEVE I JUST DID THAT!  How could I be so stupid?! What is wrong with me?!  UGH!

How many times have you felt that way?   You were in a hurry and locked your keys in your car. You misplaced your keys for the 1,000,0001 time.  You ate that big brownie even though you had been eating healthy for months.  You spent the money. You went to the place. You did the thing.

How many times?

How many times have you felt the buyer's remorse?  That feeling in the pit of your stomach that makes you feel it necessary to punish yourself.   That feeling that makes you so mad at yourself you want to scream.  That stupid decision or behavior that makes it impossible to forgive yourself.

How many times?

How many times have you wallowed in it?  How long has it taken you to move on, get over, and forgive yourself?  It is harder to forgive yourself than anyone else.  How many times have you made yourself linger in the misery of what you did?

How many times?

Sin works the same way.  When we fail God we often want to punish ourselves.  How many times have you failed to do some good deed that you could have done? How many times have you been guilty of gossip even though you swore you wouldn't?  How many times have you been a victim to that little thorn in your side (you favorite sin) that just won't go away?

How many times?

How many times will you give up?  I already ate that brownie, I'll quit trying!  I sinned when I didn't want to. I might as well forget it, I can't live right!  God must be mad at me.  I feel guilty enough already.  I'm going to hide from God for a while.

How many times?

How many times will you let one defeat turn into more? That is what happens when we let the enemy convince us that we should wallow in condemnation. In Matthew 26:41, Jesus says, "The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.   Romans 8:1 teaches that there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus. 

How many times?

Will you let failures, short-comings, and mistakes get you off course?  How many times will you let them ruin the plan God has for you?  We should do our best not to sin because we love Jesus and we want God's perfect will for our lives. 

How many times?

How many times will you brush your shoulders off and get back up?  Proverbs 24:16 "For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again: but the wicked shall fall into mischief.”   The Bible never says you won't fail.  It says you will get back up.

How many times? 

How many times will you forget that it isn't about your goodness, your works, or your perfection?  It is about the grace and mercy of Jesus.  If we were capable of perfection Jesus would have never needed to die for us.   

Stop being mad at yourself.  Being mad at yourself won't get the car unlocked, find your keys, or put the brownie back.  You can't change what happened. You can change what you do during the moment you are in. 

https://youtu.be/mNkDdXhjFy0?t=1m6s

Find Your Roar

If I was roaming about and heard a lion roar, I’d be scared. You would be too, don't play.   If that same lion was there and didn’t roar I may not notice him.

Confidence is a lot like a lion’s roar.   If you have it, other people are sometimes intimidated.  If you don’t have it, you sometimes wonder if you are noticed.

A lion must roar because a lion is a lion.  We must be confident in who we are because God made us, and God doesn’t make mistakes.  

I’m an extrovert, mostly.  I wasn’t shy, but I’ve always needed alone time. Writing and the outdoors were and are a refuge for me.

 In school, I sometimes lacked confidence and latched onto my introverted side.  

In school, I found my roar in sports, academics, and what my son calls being “extra”.  I wanted to get the grade, win the game, or always have some sort of advantage.  

In early adulthood, I found my roar in having a positive attitude and career achievements.

I use the word found loosely. Picture a baby lion. Think of Simba from the Lion King movies. See him try to roar?  Now picture Simba when he really found his roar.  See the difference?

The things I did to feel confident, to convince myself that I was enough, to make myself secure in who I was, they were like Simba and his baby roar.  They were a pitiful mask for true confidence.

Confidence is not arrogant.  Truly confident people are humble and show their humility to others.

True confidence is knowing that God designed you with a purpose and on purpose. It is believing that your passion, talents, and even weaknesses are for a reason.  You will reach your fullest potential when you embrace who God designed you to be.  

True confidence is being secure. True confidence is an exercise of faith.

Faith is believing even before you see the evidence.

You get to be you!  A lion roars because he is a lion.  Simba never needed to search for his roar. He was able to roar because it was within him all along.

God has equipped you with everything you need.  Embrace your strengths, recognize your weakness, and find the work that fills your joy.  

When you will do that, you will find your roar.  

Terri Savelle Foy has a great video on discovering why you were born, your purpose:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MrWazOTFznk#action=share

I hear you, Preacher

I’ve been talking a lot lately about my porch swing moments.  Have a seat on the porch swing of my life and let me tell you a story about a preacher.

“I believe in giving flowers to people while they are alive.  It doesn’t do any good to wait til’ they're gone and send them to the funeral home.  They won’t see them then. What I mean by that is if you want someone to know you care, show them while you have a chance. Do it while they are alive. It’s too late when people are gone.”  Rev. Earl Ray Johnson

That may not be an exact quote but that is the way I still hear it.

I hear you, preacher.

When I was a very small child, I remember someone said, “That man couldn’t read or write til’ he met Jesus. Once he did that brother could, sure enough, read the Bible and boy he can preach too.”   I thought that was strange.  How exactly did he “meet” Jesus?  Oh, and I’m supposed to believe that he just magically could read.  I didn’t know what to think.

We went to a service at this old church.  That preacher was preaching.  He got up there like most other preachers did.  He read the Bible just fine.  He got to going and I guess the spirit came or something and he got excited.  He got so excited in fact he held one hand over one ear, became louder, and literally ran across the pews.  I don’t mean the seats where you put your bottom.  I mean the top of those old wooden pews.  

I hear you, preacher.

When I was 13, I was at an old church.  That preacher was there.  It felt like he was preaching on me. I said on me,not to me.  I truly thought if I didn’t do something I was gonna be lost forever.  I was clinging on to that pew for dear life.  I finally let go and I’m so glad I did.

I hear you, preacher.

When I was 15, I took this boy to a fall festival.  That preacher was there. He didn’t dress like a preacher. He had on a pair of overalls. The boy I brought with me wasn’t much for church or preachers.  I noticed he was standing by the fence talking to the preacher.   I walked over there.  The boy said, “I’ll tell you one thing, if preachers were more like this fella here, I’d even go to church myself.”  That preacher chuckled!  He said, “Son, I reckon I’ll see you on Sunday morning. I’m the pastor here.”  

I hear you, preacher.

All during my life, that preacher was there. I don’t know where you are from but where I’m from when anything happened the preacher was called.  It wasn’t always that preacher but there was always a preacher.   I’m serious.  If someone was born, died, got sick, got married, or even had a picnic a preacher was called.  You didn’t just see your pastor at the church he was a part of your everyday life.

I don’t suppose I ever realized how much time and energy that must have taken.  I don’t suppose I realized how much of his own family time was spent pastoring other families.

I hear you, preacher.

Even today, as I sit here thinking about your life I can still hear you.  I hear your sermons, I see your face, and most of all I feel the message you preached with your life.  Your entire life.

I’ve heard you explain how the light of Jesus that is in you should be like a lighthouse that points other people to Jesus. You can think of it like a landmark.  I’ve heard you say, “The people leading you are not always gonna be there. Somebody else is gonna have to step up and take their place. Will it be you?” (Paraphrased)

I hear you, preacher.

In the future, I hope other people have the honor of having an example like you in their lives.  I know you weren’t Jesus. I’m sure you are human and weren’t as perfect as you were in my mind.   It doesn’t matter.  You were a lighthouse and I know you touched the lives of many.

My life, my entire eternity was changed because you chose to obey God.  Great is your reward! 

I hear you, preacher.

In the end, I know you don’t care about me sending you flowers to your funeral.  You said it many times.  I think telling other people about Jesus and the message you preached for the Kingdom with your life, I think that is what you would want from me.

I hear you, preacher.

This is my tribute to Rev. Earl Ray Johnson. 1936-2018.  I never knew a Godlier man.  Christians, keep going.  You may help shape someone’s eternity the way he did mine.

And so ends this lesson from my porch swing. 

Rev. Earl Ray Johnson