Have you ever eaten anything that was good while you were eating it and then a little while later you regretted ever seeing that food? What we think is love can be a lot like that. Hallmark, I love to watch your movies during the Christmas season, but can we be real? That is not love. Love can be more like a bad burrito.
My son’s father and I had been married for a few months. I was pregnant and always hungry. We stopped to grab a snack, Mexican drive-thru. I ate my food. He only ate part of his & he saved it for later. That evening he microwaved his food and ate every bite. Around 3AM I was serenaded by the sound of a slamming door. I got up, walked into my living room, and saw what looked like an ice-cream truck had exploded. It was bad. He had a tall set of custom speakers (this was 17 years ago, bigger was better) those speakers never recovered from that explosion. I asked, “What in the world happened?” He replied, “Don’t ever microwave sour cream that has been sitting out.” That burrito sure had a hold on him.
A bad relationship is worse than a bad burrito. We try so hard and it just doesn’t seem to work. I’m not talking about any old relationship. I’m talking about the relationship, the person, the feeling you can’t seem to shake. Nothing or nobody satisfies the need for them. Nothing or nobody can hurt you the way they do.
Love?
Here are a couple of songs that express what I’m saying:
“Is this love that I’m feeling…. I can’t make it on my own, wasted days, and sleepless nights…..Is this love……Cause it’s sure got a hold on me” – White Snake, Is This Love
“I can only tell you what it feels like and right now it’s like a steel knife in my windpipe….Ever love somebody so much you can barely breath…..& we back into the same patterns….your temper is just as bad as mine… when a tornado meets a volcano” Eminem, Love the Way You Lie
The Notebook
What? This person surely must be your soul mate. It must be true love because you feel it deeply. It must be love, right?
I had what I thought was my own fairytale version of The Notebook with my first love from high-school. There were many feelings attached to him. It was a rollercoaster from the beginning, I felt like part of me died when it ended, but it didn’t really end. It didn’t end for years. All I had to do was hear his voice and I was that teenage girl all over again. The rollercoaster never changed. We were in no way compatible. It took a whole lot of years and marrying someone else to completely let go. He was my first experience with what I’m describing. I know some of you, many of you, have been there too.
The Church Boy
Fast-forward through marriage, having a son, divorce, and several years.
I was content. I was what I liked to call numb, feeling-less, and happy. There wasn’t much that affected me. I don’t like drama and I didn’t go looking for trouble, but it found me. I met a guy at church. We became friends. Honestly, friends, not more or less.
Then it changed. Suddenly, there was a rush of emotion. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I hadn’t “felt” anything like this in years. He hurt my feelings. I didn’t know I had feelings. I was shocked. I didn't know how to process feelings. I let him know he hurt me. He left work and came straight to me. He walked into my office, interrupted my meeting in the conference room, said we needed to talk, and when I walked into the back office with him he hugged me. That began a cycle of attachment, caring, and fights. The story isn’t from Hallmark and the details aren’t necessary.
Everyone else around me could see it. I was mad at them for even breathing negativity about my relationship. I wasn’t going to let go. There were so many people who said they were worried about me. I tried praying about it. God even showed me in my dreams it was an unhealthy relationship. I wouldn’t even listen to God!!! I wanted it.
Soul Ties
Those songs I mentioned explain well these relationships. The love, attachment, feelings, madness, intensity, or whatever else you might call. You understand if you have felt it. If you haven’t experienced this craziness you won’t understand.
Is it love? If it is not love, what is it?
Have you ever heard of soul ties? https://www.terri.com/4-indicators-of-wrong-soul-ties/, Terri Savelle Foy explains it better than I can. Confusion and misery are two signs of negative soul ties. Sex and controlling relationships are two things that build soul ties. This mess is not love. This is not the way God wants love to feel. A friend of mine has been in a bad relationship off and on for years. She knows it is a negative soul but still breaking it is the hardest thing she has ever done. Another friend is willing to risk whatever it takes to see if her attachment might be real love.
Soul ties are powerful! Negative soul ties are like cancer. They must be removed completely, or they will continue to infect your body and spirit.
The misery the relationship creates is a good way to know if it’s a negative soul tie. I suppose as a Christian writer it seems odd to quote a rapper. It’s not odd. Negative soul ties aren’t Godly. Eminem explains it best. If you’ve been there, you know.
“Where you going, I’m leaving you, no you ain’t, come back, We’re running right back, Here we go again, It’s so insane, Cause when it’s going good, it’s going great, I’m Superman with the wind at his back, she’s Lois Lane, But when it’s bad, it’s awful……” Eminem, Love the Way You Lie.
You can break free from soul ties. It won't be easy but you can do it with God's help. If the relationship doesn’t honor what the Bible says love is, it isn’t love. Godly love, marriage, and relationships are a good thing. They are God's will. It shouldn't be this hard but it is. Protect your soul, your mind, and your life.
The next time you feel yourself falling ask yourself, is this love or is this a bad burrito?
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